This is not a post on how to make a cutesy pregnancy announcement because that is beyond me. Kudo’s to you creative ones though. This is more about when to break the news you are pregnant. There has been a debate opening up over this. For a long time people waited until 12 weeks (or up to 20 weeks for higher risk pregnancies) because then the “scary period” is over – in other words, the chance of miscarriage drops by 80% – before telling anyone they were expecting. But having a baby is exciting for most people and containing that excitement can be hard if you follow the old advice to wait. Unfortunately, not all pregnancies end in happy healthy babies and having to tell everyone you miscarried after announcing your news can be crushing. I’ve done it both ways. And I’ve experienced multiple pregnancy outcomes. I’d like to share pros and cons to telling early and to waiting to tell to help you and your partner know which is best for you.
Telling Everyone Immediately
- You don’t have to wait to tell anyone your super exciting news!
- You can explain why you feel so sick instead of trying to fake it or make up excuses.
- People can help out during the morning sickness by watching older children or bringing soup.
- If you start showing early, everyone will know that you didn’t eat an entire box of donuts.
- You are in people’s minds when they are getting rid of baby or maternity things and you can inherit a lot of useful freebies.
- If you do miscarry, you have the love and support of people around you.
- The sooner everyone knows, the longer your pregnancy takes. For real. Mystery of the universe right here but it is true none the less.
- You have so much longer to get asked the same questions on repeat from everyone you know. “When are you due?” “Is it a boy or girl?” (Yes they ask that even in the very beginning before the baby has even developed its parts.) “Are you excited?” “What names are you thinking of?” These questions are inevitable but you could either deal with them for 5 months or all 9.
- You are in people’s minds when they are getting rid of baby or maternity things and you can inherit a lot of useless junk.
- If you do miscarry, you will have to tell everyone who knows that you are no longer expecting a child and that tears you open every single time. You will get asked some of the questions above by well wishers who don’t yet know and it will feel like ripping your heart to tell them that there is no due date, no gender, no name, no excitement. Some will also be SUPER insensitive to your loss, even if they have experienced it themselves. Others will be mad at you for telling early and getting their hopes up. Yeah, for real.
Waiting to Tell Everyone
- No questions for the first months of your pregnancy. No one expecting updates. No one antsy for the baby to “just get here already” except you and your partner.
- Once everyone does know, no one has to wait forever to actually meet the kid! It also seems to give you a new jumpstart on your pregnancy excitement that may start to wane a little during the end of the first trimester and beginning of the second trimester.
- If you miscarry, you will be able to absorb and deal with the loss on your own terms, relying on your spouse for support. No one will ask questions.
- You will have to fake your way through the early months of agony. Unless you don’t get morning sickness. But since most women do, faking this can be HARD. You might also miss out on some really great help from a friend or neighbor.
- If you start showing early, you will look like you are gaining weight in a really strange way and your clothes will all fit awkwardly but no one will know why.
- You could miss out on someone getting rid of their old maternity and baby things that you could really use.
- If you miscarry, you will be left struggling to cope with only your partner to rely on. Your friends and family won’t know how much you are struggling. You will need time off work or breaks from other activities you are a part of. Explaining why can be difficult without a backstory.
Now obviously, there are plenty of inbetween ways to break the news. Maybe tell your family or very close friends early but save a big announcement for later when you have a much higher chance of pregnancy success. Which actually brings me to the title of this post. It’s a bit duplicitous. Because it also means, I am delivering some breaking baby news! Knudsen Baby Number 3 is on its way! Hooray for us! No, we don’t know its gender yet. No, we don’t know its name. I’m due November 4 (until the ultrasound where they have ALWAYS changed my due date). And yes, we are very excited. So I guess you can see the approach I now take to breaking my baby news: option 3, a compromise. I have experienced every pro and every con I wrote about in this post and in my opinion, saving a big announcement to the world is a good idea but telling your close family and friends early is fun and offers a lot of support and encouragement. I know this isn’t for everyone though so I hope the lists above will help you decide what is right for you and your partner. And congratulations!
If there are any other pros and cons to either waiting or telling that you have experienced, let me know in the comments so people can see them also!