Be the Right Partner

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be-the-right-partnerA friend of mine once asked me, “Do you have any advice about attracting the right partner?”  I answered her the often heard answer, “Be the right partner.”
But what does that mean? We’ve probably all heard it before. But how do we actually become the person that will attract the right partner?
Here are my thoughts on the matter.

First

Figure out what the heck you want to attract! Write down a list of qualities you like in others, whether it’s past partners or friends and family members. If you don’t know what you like in people, it will be a lot harder to not only recognize those things in a potential partner (or friend) but also to determine what qualities you want to develop in yourself. Write it down and review it often. This is so important because it’s so easy to get caught up in what other people see as important and forget what YOU care about. If making a lot of money is important to you, write it down. But if it isn’t, don’t let the people around you convince you that it matters. (Or a million other things: cleanliness, strong work ethic, being and having fun, good with kids…) You are allowed your own opinion of what is important and writing it down will keep you from being swayed by people or media or even some random blogger. 🙂

Second

Pick a quality or two from your list that you don’t have but that you like in people you know. Set up a plan to begin developing these qualities in yourself. Try to be very specific. Instead of choosing “patience” and saying, “I’m going to be more patient,” try setting a specific goal such as, “when So-and-So at work starts really annoying me, I will              instead of               ” or “I will make myself wait until after dinner to eat any chocolate for the day” or whatever it is that you feel would help you improve in patience. And obviously, these will change a lot depending on the quality you are working on.

Third

Repeat repeatedly. Yup. Do it over and over. Keep choosing and working on developing the characteristics that you enjoy in other people until you become better at them. Do this for the rest of forever. I do it all the time. Now that I have my significant other, I often involve him in the process. I ask what he thinks I can work on sometimes. Other times, I simply ask him to help me remember to be better at              .

Be the Right Partner

Try not to get frustrated. Sometimes progress is slow, sometimes it’s fast. Sometimes, no matter what kind of progress you are making, the right people don’t magically enter your life. My favorite part about doing this is that you are creating a person YOU want to be. Other places you might find that in order to “be the right partner” you need to “lose weight, get a better job, take time to make yourself more attractive, etc.” I’m saying that if those are things YOU want to do, go for it. But NEVER NEVER never let someone tell you that you need to become something that isn’t important to you. If you never end up finding the right partner, at least you will be someone you enjoy, someone you can be proud to be. But if you do find them, you will know that it is right because they are attracted to the same traits you are attracted to, not the traits someone told you were important.

What other things have you done to “be the right partner” in your relationships?

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